week... end

im in a weird place. anger has seeped into me. i hurt u. im sorry. I want to talk to you so bad and have ur voice lull me to sleep. Im going to sleep in the exact position as if we were sleeping together. while u dream, u will feel me.

bad week; horrible weekend; great night... or morning.

i wish u were here to share with me. i wish u were here to fight with me. i wish u were here to hold me. i wish u were here. i hate this. but i love u and our future more.

misery - heres to u. for being the storm b4 the rainbow. the darkness b4 the light. the cloud b4 sunshining days. not even u, sir, will stand in our way. nice try.

You dont know my name...

my tummy hurts - probably bc im starving myself - i didnt know. I really didnt. I have nigtmares about the pain she caused me. and just to have realized it was her name has made me qweezy to say the least. and he doesnt understand. he never does about this. all he says is sorry. well your sorry got us back but unfortunately my memory is not erased. and that pain is terrible. I wish someone could know. I lost every friend I had bc I was just too depressed to function. And all that to be misunderstood. Damn bruh... whats in a name?... clearly enough to make me wish I was anywhere but there at that moment.

Goodnight.

sailing away for what seems like forever

There are honestly a million things i want to blog about. Things I have been wanting to say and things i simply wanted to celebrate (like that fact that we are together and happy and everyone knows including my parents). I wanted to write about lost friends and how sometimes you lose what is unimportant to the time that you are in right now. If they are no longer helping you to progress, maybe its a gift that they are gone. I wanted to write about finally seeing the twilight movies and my take on them vs twilight nations. I wanted to write about the joys of being home and my plans now that im finally here. I wanted to write about art and my room and kitchen. I wanted to write about the Saints. But i have never made time in my busy/notsobusy schedule. Well now i will make the time to say what i am beginning to realize is the only thing that matters.

I love you. More than I can find words to describe. I love the way you look at me all day long and I notice but wont turn bc I dont want you to turn away. I love the way you kiss all over my body even when you dont want to make love. I love that when you are away from me you go insane (as much as i need you not to) i still love that reaction. i love that we play games together now. I love that you love my friends again. I love that you are a part of my bigger picture. the biggest part of my forever. i love u. i dont know how to say it to make those words make sense in the way that i mean them. there is no word, no action, no look of admiration, no kiss with ur scruffy but still cute mustache, no love making, no hand holding, no desperation when separated that will explain the intensity of those three words but I hope one day God will bless you with that understanding in its depth.

As i sail away for what seem like forever, remember our past the good and the bad and let us both learn from it so we never do it again. try to move past those bad relationships in my life that I still love. I want you to be the man I love and more when I come back. I never want to think that while I am gone I should worry about u. I know you will be strong and I know that this time I am more confident than last time... that no broad no matter what she looks like, thinks like, or is interested in will ever come between us again. 7 days is a long time with no communication. I will count down the days til I am in ur arms again. I love u.

p.s. although ur blog was rude and insensitive and definitely overstepped ur boundaries... i want you to know something. You are my best friend. Always have been. and always will be. You are that and more. You are my heart. You are half of me. Loving you is what keeps me grounded. Loving you is what makes me, me.