50

all i do is work.


and the funny thing is all u think i do is play - with everyone - but you (all i dream about is playing with you)
every moment of everyday im either talking about u, doing something for u, or thinking about u. but u think im always somewhere else.
--- ur not the only one in love... (at least thats what i tell myself)

til death do us part shouldnt mean u want to kill who i am. 


tears that never stop falling. misery, come and join me. make urself at home.

the funny think is, its all for u. like you dont get paid for three weeks. u havent bought one single christmas present. you couldnt come see me.  i came to you. bought every gift you needed. broke my fuckin back to hustle for us. and now im fussed at for doing it. 


i am not good enough. ever. and i never will be. i am a giving person and you hate it. i love ppl and u want me to stop. then y did u choose me? ive been this way. 


im so sad. i cry bc u really dont know its all for u. to be able to see u and do whatever we want. to be able to afford your christmas gifts. to be able to buy them for ur family. i have made a g in a week in a half. im doped up on vicodin, limping around, sleep deprived, and exhausted. yet...


im working too much, im buying too much for ronnie, im not done yet, im gonna become a pill head, i need to chill out but ur pissed bc i fall asleep (wth else can i do. im dead tired and try and wait up for u everynight), i dont sleep enough and when i fall asleep bc i cant take it anymore... i didnt charge my phone. 


i will never me good enough. (note the "bottom" line.)

what about my heartache. u dont know what it feels like to have to sit down so i dont pass out bc of meds. and to have to smile and laugh in order to make a dollar to support my family when my man wants me around and do all of it just to see him and have money in our acct. and when i get there hes gone and "gone" and blaming it on contacts.

to put every other man aside and find the only one i want in my phone. 

to love one man with all my heart and be accused of loving everyone else too much. what else can i do???? :'(
it doesnt matter what i do. it isnt going to be enough.

_________never enough_________