"No. Do NOT go to lunch. Why would you even want to do that. You make no sense child. You sat right here and told me it was over. You ruined your family behind this. What in this world would possess you to want to go to lunch. the correct response is NO."
"God will do right by you for honoring him. I know its hard. But he doesnt wanna see you get hurt"
"I think he feels bad bc he never honors our boy problems as real problems. When we are sad about boys he never says much. Just gives us that generic advice. 'There are plenty of fish in the sea' and 'soon you will be the one breaking hearts. it will be ok.' And then you were too far down and he hadnt paid attention. Now he feels guilty." (Then... I had almost died. I guess i caught his attention)
but then...
he was there once. he was that guy. he broke hearts. he left. he cheated. he fought. he is the greatest man I have ever met and to hear him say he laid hands on a woman... all i thought was well damn... everyone makes mistakes. Everyone grows up at some point. right? I would die to meet someone who is half of him. But im not even sure that they exist in my eyes. He is so high. So now... I look through his eyes and my heart is starting to melt. It is quite sexual. hmmm... and they werent. NO direct eye contact when i say marriage or love. We are young. Forever is forever. That is too much for anyone to want when they could want something completely different 3 months ago.
makes you wonder whats real. or even if you are real. maybe im just floating here above everyone else... maybe that night i died. And now im watching the aftermath of what happened bc i did. I sure am starting to master the art of feeling that way anyway.
the only man i ever loved. was there. and feels like he is there again with me. do i wanna hurt him? i only long to make him proud. i think im failing.
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